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Okay, explain again why "Irradiated Milk" is supposed
to sound appealing?

"Irradiated Carnation Milk is such a wonderful product, so amazing in its qualities and its benefits, that I scarcely know where to begin.

First, let me tell you, in the briefest possible way, exactly what Irradiated Carnation Milk is. It is simply rich whole milk, evaporated to double richness, irradiated for 'sunshine' vitamin D, homogenized to break up the cream particles, and sterilized for safe keeping.

Nothing has been added to it, except vitamin D, introduced by exposure to ultra-violet rays.... This is done very simply by exposing the milk for a few seconds, in a thin film, to ultra-violet rays from a carbon-arc lamp."

- Carnation Cook Book, by Mary Blake, 1943


Well, uh, thanks. I guess that answers the question, though now I'm kinda sorry I asked. Doesn't sound appealing yet, but maybe the recipes will help. Then again, probably not.


I wonder why the practice of baconizing never really took off... Can you feel your arteries harden while you're reading this?

My favourite part is where you're supposed to wrap bacon strips around each individual meatball. Assuming they're sort of average-sized meatballs, and you're working with 3 pounds of meat, my guess is you'd end up with
at least 60 of them. Even if you were only using half a strip of bacon on each one, that's still an awful lot of bacon, my friend. I like the way they weasel out of that by not specifying that you have to buy, say, two 1-pound packages of bacon to complete the recipe.

My second favourite part is where they tell you to add salt to the gravy. Twice.

You instinctively know a recipe that calls itself "mock" anything is bad news, right? Why anyone would take the time to painstakingly shape ground meat to simulate chicken legs is beyond me.

I'm a little disappointed by the absence of Irradiated Milk. A dish like this doesn't seem complete without a super-creamy gravy liberally seasoned with salt.
cluck, cluck, gak

a savoury gelatin-based...thing I didn't bother scanning in the recipe. Really, is there anyone out there who would want to make it? Gelatin-based atrocities seem almost too easy a target for mockery, but this one looked so gross I had to include it.

I'm a little puzzled by the description of the garnish as "onion cups filled with buttered carrots, bits of cranberry marmalade and parsley." Cookbook photos deteriorate over time, yes, but that's just unreal.

This beauty is most notable for its garnishes and for the way in which food colouring is used with gleeful abandon. The orangey stuff is apricot-flavoured while the green stuff is...Pineapple Milk Sherbet?

Maybe someone thought the natural pale yellow colour of pineapple would be bland, but this is no solution.

Personally, I'd think twice about accepting
a slice of cake that looked like it was half-covered in guacamole.
Hey, who was the genius that came up with the idea of filling apricot halves with guacamole? Brilliant!

If I were an invalid and a loved one fed me this menu,
I'd make sure to change my will, pronto.

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