I informally instituted a "no bridal shower" request when I got married. But I almost reconsidered when I saw this shower-themed cake. Is that cool or what? (Hey, quit answering "what"!) I love how the bride is approximately forty times the size of her bridesmaids.

 

At first I thought this was supposed to be a marginally clever interpretation of bonsai. But then I noticed the charming animal trinkets and realized I was way off base. Since this is the cake "yearbook," I suppose I'll have to participate in some sort of class elections. Fine. All right, then I'd like to put in a vote for this one as "The Cake Whose Manufacture Cost Me 14 Hours of My Life That Could Much More Profitably Have Been Spent Scraping Decals Off My Toilet."

 

 

I live in Toronto right now, but I spent 17 years in the States and still travel on an American passport. So as far as I'm concerned, that gives me the perfect right to say that this cake frightens me. It's not painted like a flag, so I guess it's not illegal to eat it, just distasteful.

You'd think the tails and other garnish stuff would be made from plastic. BUT THEY'RE NOT. I can't even imagine how frustrating it would be to fashion all those tails out of frosting and then watch half of them break while you're trying to stick them onto the turkeys. But mostly I love how the turkeys all have severely unappealing neck disorders.

You know that Strawberry Festival Party you throw every summer? Well, okay, you don't, but just imagine you're living in a parallel universe where it's 1974 all the time. Suddenly the idea of spending days making the toxic red strawberry cake or the "edible" Big-Ass Strawberry Bucket sounds pretty enticing, doesn't it?