People, people who need Artex...

This chick is obviously an Artex instructor's dream client. I think it's safe to say she's purchased every single colour of paint they put out. We can only assume that Artex does not work on ceramics. Why else would her coffee pot remain free of the Artex blight? Lady, I can't stress this enough: switch to decaf.

Dangerously caffeinated women with too much time on their hands are not the only people who can get into the fun that is Artex. Young lovers might want to take the time they would otherwise have wasted on premarital sex and put it to a more wholesome use by creating some butt-ugly Artex designs.

Get the whole family involved! I'm sure I don't know the man who wouldn't love to decorate stuff with football sports transfers! Little Thindy Brady obviously thinks she needs even more Hanna-Barbera transfers on her tunic. And Mom looks like she's contemplating adding a monogram to her helmet-- er, hair.

Dude, you are super-bad-ass. But, say, aren't you the dad from the last layout? What happened to your football sports transfers? Or are we just looking in on your secret Jack Tripper fantasy? You know, I've got some sad news for you. No woman would actually date a man whose walls were covered with dreck like those car posters. Hey, don't shoot the messenger!