K I T S C H — Cate's Blog

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Hey, here's a suggestion...

If you can't be arsed to write thank-you letters to distant relatives for your wedding gifts, maybe you shouldn't be writing out invitations to these same relatives asking them to attend your baby's christening. The less charitable among them might be a little confused as to why they're even being invited to such an intimate affair and may secretly suspect you of staging a big ol' gift grab.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

stats, User, boring as all hell

Honestly. I guess that's what I get for putting together a site, promoting it, and then not updating it for over three years.

Certain search terms get put forth tediously month after month after month. Please, don't get me wrong if you like my site and you found it that way; I'm just saying that people who are looking for "sizzling hot photos" probably don't want to see this. Oh, and, obviously, "sizzling hot photos" is one of the lamest search terms in the universe. Didn't you know? After all, it turns up, well, this.

In related news: Is Luke Perry experiencing some kind of a "career" renaissance?

In February, I got 17 people looking for "Luke Perry." That's 8 more people than the ones who got here by searching for "What is irradiated milk?"

I'm sorry, Luke. If it's any consolation, apparently questions about irradiated milk are super-duper popular in 2004. And just think: you're even more sought after!

Boggles the mind, huh?

Er, I, um, meant to say, enjoy it!

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Scraping the bottom of the inspirational platitudes barrel

My co-worker has a page-a-day calendar called "For Women Who Do Too Much," by Anne Wilson Schaef. Around our office it's now known as the "laugh-a-day calendar." Here's why.

You see, Anne, bless her heart, is obviously delusional.

To be fair, the calendar has some decent quotes from famous people, although the words of wisdom are all too often ruined by Anne's trite additions and insultingly stupid interpretations. The calendar also has some really simplistic "original" ideas that she must have cobbled together from musings she found crumpled up in Robert Fulghum's recycling bin on garbage day. Here's a classic one for you: "A spring day has its own unique energy. Try to find a way to experience it."

Yeah, thanks bunches. My life is now magically transformed.

Anne's work really is best, though, when she's obviously facing a deadline and has run out of material that even remotely makes sense. From this past Thursday: "This month, let's take a serious and honest look at what we have neglected -- the appliances and other devices that make our lives better."

Whoa, Anne, these women are already suffering from doing "too much." Please don't saddle them with useless tasks like trying to make their appliances -- inanimate objects, after all -- feel loved and appreciated. Maybe she believes that Twilight Zone episode with the machines is based on fact and she's afraid that her appliances will kill her if she's not nice to them. Maybe it's a heartfelt tribute to her Hitachi Magic Wand. Who knows?

Friday's was even better: "What single [sic] positive actions can I take with respect to appliances and other devices that make my life better?" Anne helpfully sets out a space where you can jot down three "single [sic] positive actions" you plan to take in regard to this weighty matter. I like to think she's hoping that women everywhere will be feverishly writing down ideas on petitioning the government to commission the massive fact-finding study this subject so richly deserves.

Personally, I would like to thank Anne's computer, or whatever she uses to compose this drivel. Mocking the calendar has brought our department much closer together.